Letter 39

Letter 39: Raising Children Is Not a Community Competition

Dear Partner,

Sometimes it feels like parenting has become a public performance—where every relative, neighbor, or distant friend thinks they have a right to judge, advise, or even interfere.  

But the truth is: raising our children is *not* a community competition. It's a sacred responsibility between us—their parents.

I know there will always be outside voices.  

Some will be well-meaning.  

Some will be judgmental.  

Some will carry the weight of their own regrets and try to impose their visions onto our family.

But we cannot—and *must not*—raise our children by committee.

We must not measure their growth against someone else's expectations.  

We must not discipline or reward them based on extended family's opinions.  

We must not let their spirits bend under the pressure of trying to impress anyone but themselves.

When we start parenting based on what will "look good" to others, we lose sight of what *feels right* for our children.

When we let our decisions be shaped by whispers, criticisms, or comparisons, we teach our children that their worth is determined by external applause, not internal confidence.

We must be their first safe place.  

We must be their anchor—not the tide that carries them away to please others.

Parenting is not about winning approval.  

It’s about raising souls who are kind, strong, and free.  

It’s about giving them roots deep enough to stand tall when the world tries to sway them.

Let’s listen to wisdom when it's truly wise—but let’s never trade our instincts for applause.

Our children deserve parents who choose their happiness, health, and growth over the noise of a thousand outside opinions.

Together, let’s raise them with love, not pressure.  

With guidance, not guilt.  

With pride in who they are—not fear of who others expect them to be.

Always choosing our children's true good,  

Your partner