Letter 37

 

Letter 37: Choosing Respect Over Pleasing Others

Dear Partner,

One of the hardest lessons I’m learning as a parent and partner is that we cannot parent well if our goal is to please others.

Sometimes family, friends, even society will expect us to raise our children according to their expectations—to make choices that look good from the outside, that keep old traditions alive, or that make others feel comfortable.
But our job isn’t to raise children who fit everyone else’s mold.
Our job is to raise children who are whole, healthy, confident, and loved—for who they are, not for how well they please others.

When we make decisions to avoid judgment or avoid disappointing family, it’s tempting in the moment. It feels easier. It avoids conflict. But over time, the cost adds up.
We lose sight of what we believe.
Our children grow up confused about their own worth, always looking outward for approval instead of inward for strength.
They learn that being accepted is more important than being authentic.

I don’t want that for them.
I want our children to know that it’s okay to be themselves, even if it disappoints others.
I want them to know that real respect comes from making thoughtful, kind, firm decisions—not from living in fear of upsetting someone.

And that has to start with us.

That means we will need courage.
It means some conversations may be uncomfortable.
It means we will have to say no sometimes—to traditions, to advice, to pressures that don’t fit the family life we are intentionally building.
It means we will have to stand firm when others question or criticize our choices.

But in doing so, we give our children something far more valuable than approval:
We give them freedom.

Freedom to grow into their own lives.
Freedom to trust their instincts.
Freedom to know that love is not about sacrifice at the cost of self.

So let’s choose respect over people-pleasing.
Let’s model for our children what it looks like to be kind, but strong.
Loving, but clear.
Connected, but not controlled.

It won’t always be easy. But it will always be worth it.

With quiet courage,
Your Partner 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Legacy of Love

Legacy of Love: Turning Letters into a Family Tradition When we think about parenting, we often focus on the daily tasks—meals, homework, activities, bedtime routines. But raising children is about so much more than logistics. It's about creating an emotional home: a place where love, respect, and growth are constants, even when life feels anything but certain. That’s where the Legacy of Love letters come in. These letters are more than words on a page—they’re a blueprint for building a family culture rooted in trust, compassion, and intentional connection. Imagine this: once a year, you gather as a family—not for a major holiday or a party, but for something even deeper. You sit down together, maybe over breakfast or a quiet evening, and revisit the letters that remind you why you do what you do. You read them aloud, or silently reflect. You talk about what’s changed, what’s stayed the same, and what dreams you still want to build together. Why Print the Letters? When somet...
Read more

Introduction

  Legacy of Love: Letters to Strengthen Our Family Dedication To every parent trying their best, breaking old patterns, and choosing love even when it's hard—this is for you. Introduction Parenting isn’t a checklist—it’s a daily act of love, reflection, and growth. These letters are written not as instructions but as companions. Each one captures a moment, a challenge, a choice—to stay connected, to raise children with intention, and to create a legacy rooted in compassion. Whether you are a husband, wife, or partner—this journey is yours. May these letters inspire you to build a peaceful home, nurture strong relationships, and protect the emotional world of your children. Let this blog be your quiet guide—a reminder that you’re not alone in wanting better. How Marriage and Relationships Affect Children Marriage is more than a bond between two people—it’s the environment in which children first learn how to love, communicate, trust, and relate to the world. Every conversa...
Read more

Letter 9

Letter 9: Don’t Let Outside Voices Define Our Family Dear Partner, One of the hardest things we’ll face as parents is the pressure from the outside world. There will always be people—family, friends, or even society—who will try to influence how we raise our children, what choices we make as a couple, and how we structure our family life. And while advice and support are important, we must remember that our family is ours to build. We are the ones who understand our values, our goals, and the specific needs of our children. It’s essential that we don’t let the voices of others drown out the voice of what we truly believe is best for our family. It’s easy to feel like we’re not doing enough or not doing it the “right” way when we hear comparisons to other families. It can be tempting to try to please others, to seek approval from outside sources, but when we do that, we lose sight of what really matters: our connection, our partnership, and the foundation we’re building together fo...
Read more