Letter 32

Letter 32: Clearing Resentment for the Sake of Our Children


Dear Partner,


There’s something we both need to be mindful of: the silent weight of resentment. It’s easy to let little things pile up when life is busy, when parenting exhausts us, or when old wounds resurface without warning. But when resentment lingers between us, it doesn’t stay invisible for long—our children feel it, even when they can't explain it.


Children are deeply intuitive. They notice the tones in our voices, the tension in the room, the way our bodies stiffen or turn away. Even when we think we’re hiding it well, they sense the emotional undercurrents. And when they feel that distance between us, it unsettles their world. Home no longer feels fully safe; love no longer feels fully dependable.


That’s why clearing resentment isn’t just about protecting our marriage—it’s about protecting their peace.


We have to remember that our relationship is the first love story our children witness. If they grow up seeing two people who harbor bitterness, who speak through sarcasm or silence, they will come to believe that this is normal love. They may grow fearful of closeness or skeptical of commitment. They may even carry forward those unhealed patterns into their own relationships someday.


We owe it to them—and to ourselves—to address what hurts before it hardens into resentment.


This means talking even when it’s uncomfortable. It means listening without defensiveness, and sharing our hurts without blame. It means giving each other the benefit of the doubt and remembering that we're on the same team. It also means creating space for forgiveness—not because the past didn’t hurt, but because healing is more important than holding onto pain.


When we do this, we model courage. We show our children that strong love isn’t about perfection—it’s about repair. We show them that even when two people hurt each other, they can choose understanding over punishment, and tenderness over pride.


I want our children to grow up seeing a marriage where hurt isn’t ignored but faced with kindness. Where conflict doesn’t lead to distance but to deeper connection. Where love is not a performance, but a practice.


Let’s keep clearing the small grudges before they grow. Let’s commit to regular check-ins with each other, not just about the kids or the bills, but about *us.* Let’s be willing to say, “This hurt me,” and also, “I’m sorry.” Let's not let days turn into weeks of unspoken tension.


Because in doing so, we’re not only building a stronger marriage—we’re giving our children the emotional security they deserve.


Always choosing healing,  

Your partner

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