Letter 24


Letter 24: Teaching Emotional Intelligence

Dear Partner,

As we raise our children, one of the most important gifts we can give them is the ability to understand and manage their emotions. Emotional intelligence isn’t something we’re born with—it’s something that’s nurtured through experience, guidance, and support. The way we handle our own emotions, and the way we help our children navigate theirs, will lay the foundation for their future relationships, mental well-being, and overall resilience.

When I think about emotional intelligence, I realize how crucial it is to not only recognize our own feelings, but also to name them, understand why we feel them, and learn how to express them in healthy ways. Our children watch us closely, and they model the behavior they see at home. If we are able to stay calm during moments of frustration, if we talk openly about our feelings without shame or judgment, and if we work through challenges with empathy and patience, they learn that emotional regulation is not only possible but necessary.

However, teaching emotional intelligence isn’t just about demonstrating these traits ourselves. It’s about helping our children understand their own emotions, identify them when they arise, and express them in a way that is respectful to themselves and others. It’s about validating their feelings, even when those feelings are difficult to manage. When they feel anger or sadness, we shouldn’t shut those emotions down or tell them to “just get over it.” Instead, we can acknowledge their emotions by saying things like, “I see that you’re upset,” or “It’s okay to feel frustrated. Let’s talk about what’s bothering you.”

Through this approach, we help our children feel safe in expressing their emotions without fear of judgment. We teach them that emotions are natural, and that it’s okay to feel, but also that it’s important to respond in ways that don’t hurt themselves or others. It’s about helping them recognize that while they can’t always control what they feel, they do have control over how they react to those feelings.

One of the ways we can help them develop emotional intelligence is by giving them tools to manage their emotions. For instance, when they’re feeling overwhelmed, we can teach them simple techniques like taking deep breaths, counting to ten, or even taking a short break to calm down. We can also encourage them to express their feelings through words, art, or writing, which can be incredibly therapeutic for them.

Moreover, emotional intelligence is about empathy—understanding the feelings of others. As we guide our children through their interactions with friends and family, it’s important to help them see the world from another person’s perspective. When they argue with a sibling or friend, instead of simply telling them to “make up,” we can ask them how the other person might be feeling. “How do you think your friend feels when that happens?” or “What could you do to make your sibling feel better?” These types of questions encourage empathy and help them recognize the impact of their actions on others.

In the long run, teaching emotional intelligence will help our children develop healthy relationships, navigate life’s challenges, and maintain good mental health. They’ll be able to express themselves clearly, manage stress in healthy ways, and resolve conflicts with respect. These are the skills they need not just to survive in the world, but to thrive in it.

Let’s work together to create a home where emotions are understood and respected. Let’s give them the tools they need to manage their feelings and navigate the complex emotional landscape of life. And most importantly, let’s continue to show them, through our actions, that emotional intelligence is a lifelong journey—one that we’ll walk together, with love and patience.

With compassion,
Your partner 

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