Letter 16


Letter 16: The Impact of Our Actions on Our Children’s Sense of Self

Dear Partner,

As parents, we often focus on teaching our children right from wrong, but there’s another lesson that’s just as important—the lesson of self-worth. Our actions, words, and behavior all contribute to the sense of self they carry with them into adulthood. In many ways, we are the mirrors that reflect how they see themselves.

Every time we praise our children, we’re reinforcing their sense of value. But it’s not just the compliments that count; it’s the way we listen to them, how we respond to their feelings, and the way we set boundaries. When we respect their opinions and give them room to express themselves, we show them that their thoughts and feelings are valid.

Equally, when we criticize or dismiss them, even unintentionally, we leave marks on their sense of self-worth. I know that sometimes frustration leads to sharp words or reactions. But I want us to be mindful of how we communicate, especially in moments of frustration. Our children are incredibly receptive to tone, body language, and the underlying feelings that come across in our words. A harsh tone, even without cruel intent, can leave them feeling unimportant, unheard, or unloved.

When we set healthy boundaries, it’s not only about guiding them toward good behavior, but also about showing them that they are worthy of respect. Children who grow up in environments where they feel seen, heard, and respected are more likely to grow up with a strong sense of self-worth. They learn that they have a right to their feelings, to their space, and to being treated with kindness, no matter who they are.

And here’s the most important part: our own sense of self-worth is just as influential. Children learn by observing us. If they see us taking care of ourselves, setting healthy boundaries, and speaking kindly about ourselves, they will internalize those lessons as well. If we constantly put ourselves down, neglect our needs, or allow others to treat us poorly, they may begin to think that’s how they should treat themselves too.

I want us to be a family that builds each other up, where every member—whether adult or child—feels valued and appreciated. By making sure that our actions reflect respect for our children’s sense of self and our own, we create an environment where love and confidence can flourish.

Let’s continue to raise our children with a deep understanding of their inherent worth. They are worthy of love, respect, and kindness—not just from others, but from themselves.

With love and strength,
Your Partner 

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